Mike Witnesses The World's Crappiest Parade

One of the benefits of living on a busy street seems to be a bird's-eye view of local parades.

The ever-parental Dutch government sends a letter warning you that a parade is coming, its topic and approximate length. Because you might want to move to Hengelo or close your windows. Which would be crazy, because we've been pushing 90 degrees all week, and the fan is a bizarre and unknown notion here.

So my first parade was for the Dutch pro-drug movement, advocating for the legalization of "soft drugs, so-called." You might be thinking, aren't soft drugs legal here already? And if you were me, might you be thinking about the pot-wafting coffeeshop that is practically across the street?

It turns out that soft drugs here are not legalized, they are only decriminalized, casting aspersion and societal disapprobation on the fine drug users of Amsterdam; thus the parade.

The parade -- look closely and see for yourself! -- was terrible. Basically kids & tractor trailers, only one of which had any message on it, and a vague one at that. (Legalize what? Your bad haircuts?) The Dutch youth meandered alongside in their standard-issue "Fight The Man" streetwear, the whole thing moving so slowly that if they were in front of a 7-11, they'd be cited for loitering. Obligatory musical accompaniment provided by famous Eurodance Musik DJ Anasthesia or equivalent. Only two of the junior rebels were seen actually smoking anything.

Despite all that, many of them seemed to be having a good time, and the others may have just been walking in the same general direction.